Natalie Lue is a relationship expert and writes the online Blog Baggagereclaim.co.uk – With Valentine’s Day coming up soon, we asked her for some Lomo love advice! Read on for her thoughts…
Your love for someone is something you take everywhere with you like your well loved camera – don’t compartmentalise how you feel, put limits on it, or forget the depth of your feelings for another person. This helps you to be conscious in your relationships and also conscientious about them in your day to day life.
As a lomographer, “every moment is monumental” and it’s the same for relationships. Sharing your moments, events, ups, downs, hopes and dreams, and your life together with someone, is monumental even on the very quiet, ‘normal’, routine days. Don’t take it for granted – to love and be loved is something that many people strive for every day, so embrace it.
Love, much like Lomography isn’t an interference in your life but a part of it. Sometimes we can be reluctant to let someone in, to adjust our loves to accommodate our relationship and the needs of another person in the way that they will us, but love can’t prosper if it’s regarded as something that causes you to lose.
Lomographers are encouraged to shoot from the hip – don’t hide behind excuses, unchallenged beliefs that are getting in the way of forging a healthy, loving relationship, and any other constraints you may be placing yourself under. Try your relationship without the misplaced fears so that you don’t create unnecessary obstacles.
Get up close to your partner to experience true intimacy. No, I don’t mean sex although when you have genuine emotional intimacy, sex helps to foster that connection and bond you further. Many people try to experience love with walls to protect them from having anyone get too close – this makes for relationships that lack real substance. Feel all of your feelings and be prepared to communicate.
Don’t Over-Think. If you spend too much energy intellectualising your relationship, you’ll stagnate in inaction. Often we have to take a leap of faith as opposed to trying to think out a situation to the Nth degree.
Be fast – trust in yourself. Relationships require self-esteem, boundaries and a willingness to trust your judgement and instincts. When people struggle in love, they often don’t trust their instincts so they either miss out on a great opportunity or stay in a relationship past its sell by date, out of fear.
You don’t have to know beforehand whether this is going to be ‘It’ or if they are ‘The One’. Especially when you have just started dating or your relationship is relatively new, it’s easy to slip into the trap of pushing for confirmation that this is ‘It’, which when done too soon or when you don’t know each other enough, sucks the life out of the relationship.
Just like you won’t always understand your Lomographs, you won’t always be able to make sense out of what another person think, feels, and does. Don’t try to control the uncontrollable or rationalise the irrational.
Remain true to you and listen to your inner voice. Other people’s relationship values are not the same as yours. If what you’ve learned about relationships is getting in the way of giving you a healthy, loving relationship, throw out your socialisations and any misguided rules and ideas, and work out who you are so that you can experience real love.
Natalie Lue writes the online relationship Blog Baggagereclaim.co.uk