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Remainders, Reminders

Or some things I found, other than photographs, in a forgotten roll of black and white film.

The said roll has been sitting in my fridge for a good six months until I had it processed at a photolab two weeks ago. I can only recall loading it in my SLR around mid-September last year during one of our daytime trips to Sariaya, Quezon but I cannot exactly remember what happened on that short stay, let alone what I’ve photographed on that lonely roll of film.

Photo by icequeenubia

I wasn’t expecting to get any result from it. Before having a dedicated space for my film stash in our family refrigerator, my rolls, exposed or otherwise, were kept on a wooden cabinet near a window. Clearly, with all that sunlight and heat, getting at least one decent photo out of this film roll would be quite a miracle.

What I received back from the photolab was really surprising. Memories suddenly went running through my head as I look at the scanned result. Along with these fragments were realizations of what I’ve might been missing recently and what I want to become next.

Lately, following a series of loss and extreme changes, I’ve lost the drive to do things that I used to love and enjoy. One of which, sadly, is taking photographs. As you can see, I haven’t uploaded any album until now. I’ve been putting off plans to go around the city to shoot because I am either lazy or just plain tired and uninspired to go out. But seeing just how these photographs have turned out, I think, is enough to get me moving out of my shell.

Most of my photographs are of strangers and of places far from home. For some reason, I am not that comfortable with taking photographs of my own family. From this roll alone, only five, out of twenty two, were that of a close relative.

This is my grandfather and this is the last photo of him that I could ever take. He passed away last month.

Photo by icequeenubia

Here are photos of my favorite cousin. We are ten years apart but we are really close to each other. We share the same interest in watching sci-fi and western movies and I am teaching him to use film cameras, too!

I think it’s about time that I dedicate a monthly roll solely for documenting my family. Who knows what might happen next, right? And isn’t it that photography was made for keeping those once in a lifetime moment with your loved ones alive?

A big chunk of this roll is that of a yearly fair at our province. I’ve always wanted to do a photo essay on people and their jobs and I guess, this is a good beginning.

Perhaps, this is what I’ve been preparing for – documenting facets of human life that are often left unnoticed and faces of people trying their best to survive despite the adversaries. Quite an ambitious dream but certainly attainable.

Although some photos were rather ugly and not aesthetically pleasing at all, I am still proud of how the entire roll turned out. I think it perfectly captured how I felt that day – lost but hopeful.

From now on, when doubts about my ability to create evocative and lasting image cloud my mind, I’ll just look back at this roll and think that I already did a great start and that I can do better.

written by icequeenubia

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