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The Analogue Reader: Snarky Quotes from Mark Twain

A few days ago, the literary world observed the birthday of renowned American author Mark Twain. To celebrate in our own way, let's look back at some of the best examples of Twain's so-called "acerbic wit!"

While he remains best known for his two novels The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885), Mark Twain is also remembered for his acerbic wit that earned him the status as the greatest humorist of his time. To celebrate the influential author’s 178th birth anniversary on November 30 in their own way, Flavorwire put together a list of Twain’s crankiest quotes. Let’s take a look at some of them below:

“The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

“In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.”

“The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.” —

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”

“It is just like man’s vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.”

“This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.” (On April Fool’s Day, Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar)

“Jane Austen? Why I go so far as to say that any library is a good library that does not contain a volume by Jane Austen. Even if it contains no other book.”

“Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.”

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.”

Photo via CharlieTonic.com

Can’t get enough of Twain’s snarky, witty quips? We feel you, so here’s a handful more from the brilliant mind who regarded humor as “mankind’s greatest blessing.”

“Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.”

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.”

“There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.”

“I never let schooling interfere with my education.”

“If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.”

“Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”

If you enjoyed this installment and would like to snack on some more witty-cisms, we suggest that you head over to Kurt Vonnegut’s words of wisdom next!

written by plasticpopsicle

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