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The Analogue Reader: Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza

If this book's title is vaguely familiar to you, chances are you're going to pick it and leaf through it to find out why. Once you do, you're definitely in for a laugh!

Book cover image from AmIRight.com

Once in a while, we find a book so oddly interesting that we’re drawn to pick it up and eventually buy it after scanning through a few pages. When I found this book in the discounted section of a local bookstore I frequent, I had a hard time keeping myself from laughing out loud amidst the quietness of the shop. It was a treasure trove of misheard lyrics!

The book’s title is a popular mondegreen (misheard song lyrics) itself, and a particularly eye-catching and hilarious one if you’re familiar with Elton John’s 1971 song “Tiny Dancer” (the correct lyrics being “Hold me closer, tiny dancer”) and American actor Tony Danza (Taxi, Who’s the Boss). In this compilation by Charles Grosvenor Jr., you will find some of the best misheard lyrics from artists of the past and present, submitted to his humor website, AmIRight.com. Not convinced? Allow me to give you some samples, which I suggest you sing along to for best results!

AEROSMITHCRAZY

“I feel like a caribou”
Correct: I feel like the color blue

BON JOVIYOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME

“Shop at the mart, but you’re too late”
Correct: Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame

CELINE DION – MY HEART WILL GO ON

“I believed that the hotdogs were warm”
Correct: I believe that the heart does go on

OUTKASTHEY YA

“Shake it like a corduroy preacher”
Correct: Shake it like a polaroid picture

PINKGET THE PARTY STARTED

“I’ve got a knife, so you better get this party started”
Correct: I’m coming up, so you better get this party started

THE PUSSYCAT DOLLSSTICKWITU

“Nobody’s going to bathe me better, I must stink with you forever”
Correct: Nobody’s going to love me better, I must stick with you forever

If you’re looking for an easy read that you can leaf through randomly from time to time (like on a hard, stressful day at work) I suggest you keep a copy of this book in your shelf! Just don’t make the mistake of cracking it open when you’re alone in a quiet library or coffee shop, and all the more when you’re waiting for your ride by the bus stop!

written by plasticpopsicle

4 comments

  1. kneehigh85

    kneehigh85

    I used to think the words to Kaiser Cheifs "I predict a riot" were "holiday tourettes". Which sounds ridiculous but when you think about the rest of the song the lyrics kind of make sense.

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  2. jeffr

    jeffr

    this is great! i've gotta get my hands on this book.
    also @kneehigh85, that's pretty hilarious.

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  3. ginny

    ginny

    @kneehigh85 Isn't it?? I've always thought it was something like "i've got tourette's"...

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  4. kneehigh85

    kneehigh85

    @jeffr and @ginny I thought it was like that UK TV show where people with Tourette's went to a holiday camp together so that they could all just be themselves. I thought maybe that is why "walking through town is quite scary" because you know, everyone was swearing at each other.

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