Film photographers are innately artsy. Everything they do, whatever kind of pictures they take: they are, more or less, automatically considered to be funky-fartsy. Every film photographer's self-portrait is his/her diary — or another just "another arty accident," says blogger Greg Ash.
Don’t get us wrong. Generalizing analogue photographers as hip individuals would, of course, be an overstatement. Nope! Stereotyping is not our middle name. However, here is a cynically funny 10-bullet point type-touched testament by an online writer Greg Ash which elaborates why shooting film makes one arty — and all that jazz!
Photo by jorgesato
ONE
First up, having an analogue camera round your neck just looks artier than a chunky digital one. Unfortunately, due to a flurry of articles in Lifestyle magazines about old cameras being cool, it is sometimes difficult to separate the real arty ones from the pretenders. Just knowing know how to use it means you are already ahead of the game.
TWO
Loading film is a skill that few people have anymore. Skills are arty. Even if you aren’t at the end your film, rewind it, remove it and replace the same film in a public place and you will be the artiest person in the room. If no one notices, just repeat.
THREE
If someone you have just met proclaims themselves a ‘photographer,’ you can ask them what format they shoot, analogue or digital. If they reply ‘digital,’ you are allowed to smirk slightly, before straightening your face and saying, “That’s cool.” They’ll understand that what you really mean is “I’m better than you.”
FOUR
Shooting film is old. In the past, people used to be artier than they are now (e.g. Dickens and Shakespeare). Therefore, you are arty.
Photo by fresa
FIVE
When you drop your film off to be developed, most labs give you a little piece of paper to keep in your wallet. Every time you go to pay for something, take this slip out and say loudly “I must remember to pick up my photos.” The combination of absent-mindedness and shooting analogue makes you mega-arty! This is especially effective on a date.
SIX
Because analogue photos are physical, you can carry your artiness with you at all times. Take them out on a busy bus or tube, flick through them, study your negatives, hold them up to the light. Go to town and watch as the dullards playing games on their iPhones look up and realise they live shallow lives compared to you.
SEVEN
When you take an photo of a group, exclaim “That was a good one!” Everyone will crowd around to see the digital display. Of course there isn’t one. While you know it will be a good photo, they need a LCD display to confirm this. You are arty. They are not.
EIGHT
Excess film should be kept in your fridge. Don’t ask why. Just do it. Then host a big event like a barbecue and tell people to help themselves to beers in the fridge. They will see that you value art more than food. Although they might not say anything, deep down you’ll know they know.
Photo by moodification
NINE
If you upload your analogue photos on Facebook you will get twice as many ‘likes’ as a digital album. Simple. Other people will want to add you as a friend. If they have an arty profile photo, accept them. Otherwise, don’t.
TEN
To show off your artiness, take arty self-portraits of yourself without fear of criticism. Whilst a digital self portrait is narcissistic, an analogue self portrait is just an arty accident. After all, you were only using up the final few shots so you could get your film developed.
Text originally authored by Greg Ash.
58 comments
wilfbiffherb
factual comedy, love it!!
laurasulilly
Hilarious! And true somehow! But I don't get many likes on my albums on Facebook, though, maby I'm not arty enough- or just extremeley bad ;)
annik_a
sidsel
One of the funniest articles 'round here! I just loved reading it!
jorgesato
brilliant! haha
coca
great article, very funny!! xD
violetcraze
nice one! haha enjoyed reading this very much!
violetcraze
nice one! haha enjoyed reading this very much!
johan34370
that was really funny and well written, thanks man! :)
remitch
aalper
I love Lomography.com, I really do, but this article is elitist. I detest elitism.
tiranapermata
Haha, funny! Love number two and ten
ibkc
Oh, I love this. @aalper, it's not elitism, it's satire, and the writer is actually poking fun (gentle fun) at us film photographers rather than literally saying "look at how arty we really are". The great thing is that there is a lot of truth to it. Thumbs up!
ake
funniest, ever! LOL can't help it...
aalper
@ibck, Elitism and satire are not mutually exclusive.
chappelow
Excellent piece. Really enjoyed reading it and laughed out loud. Write more.
allyb
hahaa
alejandrolavin
houda21
Well us lomographers are great ;)
kneehigh85
Hahaha I like this a lot!!!
nilard12
Nice one there!=)
dirklancer
So funny.
I totally do #5.
scatter_brain
LOOOOVE #8. Don't ask why. I just do!
natalieerachel
Hahahaha I love all of those, so funny!
rubenozorio
marcel2cv
Wonderful article. :-D
veato
7 and 8 had me in stitches!
cfib
#11 Why scanning your negatives at home where nobody can see and admire you? Take your folder full of negatives to university's computer! And don't forget to bring your white cotton gloves. This will make you look extremely arty. (This is what I'm doing at the moment because I don't own a proper film scanner :D)
cfib
*computer lab ;)
yopanic
funniest article ever... ;)
niasarinastiti
Ahahahah nice!!!!
karpis
roxanneross
haha such a funny article :D
mochabear
lilo
I love the logic in four, and the randomness of eight (I should move my stash!)..
#11 by @cfib looks like a lot of fun to do!
All in all: Great read!
neversmiling
#7 is sooo true! I'd also like to add, that if you let someone use your camera to take a photo of you, they will automatically look at the back for the readout after snapping the picture.
vandal
all of them are true...and real funny !!!
robotmonkey1996
Why can't everyone be like this guy
paperrose
wonderdude
The best targets for satire are people who take themselves way too seriously (e.g., Best in Show, or Waiting for Guffman). The funniest thing about this article, though, is how it teases insecurities. I'll bet a bunch of readers secretly wonder "Am *I* snobby and pretentious?" or, "Am I an artist, or am I only trying to look like one?" My favorite line in the article is, "deep down you’ll know they know."
Cheers to Lomography for publishing this article! :)
toyba_elescione
antibiotyx
amen to that!
artvandelay
I really didn't find this funny. It just made me sad because I'm thinking about how many people on this site really do and/or think these things
mr-korn
funny article
but I seriously don't want to be "Arty"... If you caught me being Arty, please kill me :^P
vici
have I told you how much I love this?
robot_average
#3: Amazing... totally amazing, and so true.
daihowell
I completely love this, very amusing I must say :)
edwardpiper
Very entertaining, Love it!
stickyvinny
Hahaha! ♥
I seriously love this so much! It's amazing! :D
stouf
I'm still laughing. If I may:
ELEVEN
When you have guests at home tell them they must use the other bathroom, because in this one, your films are drying. You'll sound artsy while deliberately interfering with their natural needs.
suhan7773
LOL....We are a piece of art ourselves as lomographer!!!Cheerrsss!!!
lawypop
Let's aLL be ArtY !
levisigua
ripsta
: )
gladysdavid
rahela
"When you take an photo of a group, exclaim “That was a good one!” Everyone will crowd around to see the digital display. " happens all the time :D
jis_siempre
jajajjaja si llego con retraso.. Pero me hizo mucha gracia ^_^
planomania