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Greg Ash's 10 Reasons Why 'Shooting Film Makes You Arty'

Film photographers are innately artsy. Everything they do, whatever kind of pictures they take: they are, more or less, automatically considered to be funky-fartsy. Every film photographer's self-portrait is his/her diary — or another just "another arty accident," says blogger Greg Ash.

Don’t get us wrong. Generalizing analogue photographers as hip individuals would, of course, be an overstatement. Nope! Stereotyping is not our middle name. However, here is a cynically funny 10-bullet point type-touched testament by an online writer Greg Ash which elaborates why shooting film makes one arty — and all that jazz!

Photo by jorgesato

ONE
First up, having an analogue camera round your neck just looks artier than a chunky digital one. Unfortunately, due to a flurry of articles in Lifestyle magazines about old cameras being cool, it is sometimes difficult to separate the real arty ones from the pretenders. Just knowing know how to use it means you are already ahead of the game.

TWO
Loading film is a skill that few people have anymore. Skills are arty. Even if you aren’t at the end your film, rewind it, remove it and replace the same film in a public place and you will be the artiest person in the room. If no one notices, just repeat.

THREE
If someone you have just met proclaims themselves a ‘photographer,’ you can ask them what format they shoot, analogue or digital. If they reply ‘digital,’ you are allowed to smirk slightly, before straightening your face and saying, “That’s cool.” They’ll understand that what you really mean is “I’m better than you.”

FOUR
Shooting film is old. In the past, people used to be artier than they are now (e.g. Dickens and Shakespeare). Therefore, you are arty.

Photo by fresa

FIVE
When you drop your film off to be developed, most labs give you a little piece of paper to keep in your wallet. Every time you go to pay for something, take this slip out and say loudly “I must remember to pick up my photos.” The combination of absent-mindedness and shooting analogue makes you mega-arty! This is especially effective on a date.

SIX
Because analogue photos are physical, you can carry your artiness with you at all times. Take them out on a busy bus or tube, flick through them, study your negatives, hold them up to the light. Go to town and watch as the dullards playing games on their iPhones look up and realise they live shallow lives compared to you.

SEVEN
When you take an photo of a group, exclaim “That was a good one!” Everyone will crowd around to see the digital display. Of course there isn’t one. While you know it will be a good photo, they need a LCD display to confirm this. You are arty. They are not.

EIGHT
Excess film should be kept in your fridge. Don’t ask why. Just do it. Then host a big event like a barbecue and tell people to help themselves to beers in the fridge. They will see that you value art more than food. Although they might not say anything, deep down you’ll know they know.

Photo by moodification

NINE
If you upload your analogue photos on Facebook you will get twice as many ‘likes’ as a digital album. Simple. Other people will want to add you as a friend. If they have an arty profile photo, accept them. Otherwise, don’t.

TEN
To show off your artiness, take arty self-portraits of yourself without fear of criticism. Whilst a digital self portrait is narcissistic, an analogue self portrait is just an arty accident. After all, you were only using up the final few shots so you could get your film developed.

Text originally authored by Greg Ash.

written by basterda

58 comments

  1. wilfbiffherb

    wilfbiffherb

    factual comedy, love it!!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  2. laurasulilly

    laurasulilly

    Hilarious! And true somehow! But I don't get many likes on my albums on Facebook, though, maby I'm not arty enough- or just extremeley bad ;)

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  3. annik_a

    annik_a

    Hahaha, this is the most smug article I've read all week ; )
    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  4. sidsel

    sidsel

    One of the funniest articles 'round here! I just loved reading it!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  5. jorgesato

    jorgesato

    brilliant! haha

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  6. coca

    coca

    great article, very funny!! xD

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  7. violetcraze

    violetcraze

    nice one! haha enjoyed reading this very much!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  8. violetcraze

    violetcraze

    nice one! haha enjoyed reading this very much!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  9. johan34370

    johan34370

    that was really funny and well written, thanks man! :)

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  10. remitch

    remitch

    ... number ten is so true !
    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  11. aalper

    aalper

    I love Lomography.com, I really do, but this article is elitist. I detest elitism.

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  12. tiranapermata

    tiranapermata

    Haha, funny! Love number two and ten

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  13. ibkc

    ibkc

    Oh, I love this. @aalper, it's not elitism, it's satire, and the writer is actually poking fun (gentle fun) at us film photographers rather than literally saying "look at how arty we really are". The great thing is that there is a lot of truth to it. Thumbs up!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  14. ake

    ake

    funniest, ever! LOL can't help it...

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  15. aalper

    aalper

    @ibck, Elitism and satire are not mutually exclusive.

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  16. chappelow

    chappelow

    Excellent piece. Really enjoyed reading it and laughed out loud. Write more.

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  17. allyb

    allyb

    hahaa

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  18. alejandrolavin

    alejandrolavin

    #6 is my fave!
    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  19. houda21

    houda21

    Well us lomographers are great ;)

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  20. kneehigh85

    kneehigh85

    Hahaha I like this a lot!!!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  21. nilard12

    nilard12

    Nice one there!=)

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  22. dirklancer

    dirklancer

    So funny.
    I totally do #5.

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  23. scatter_brain

    scatter_brain

    LOOOOVE #8. Don't ask why. I just do!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  24. natalieerachel

    natalieerachel

    Hahahaha I love all of those, so funny!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  25. rubenozorio

    Hahahahahah!! Really funny, number 8 is the best!!
    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  26. marcel2cv

    marcel2cv

    Wonderful article. :-D

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  27. veato

    veato

    7 and 8 had me in stitches!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  28. cfib

    cfib

    #11 Why scanning your negatives at home where nobody can see and admire you? Take your folder full of negatives to university's computer! And don't forget to bring your white cotton gloves. This will make you look extremely arty. (This is what I'm doing at the moment because I don't own a proper film scanner :D)

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  29. cfib

    cfib

    *computer lab ;)

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  30. yopanic

    yopanic

    funniest article ever... ;)

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  31. niasarinastiti

    niasarinastiti

    Ahahahah nice!!!!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  32. karpis

    karpis

    Irony in its best!
    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  33. roxanneross

    roxanneross

    haha such a funny article :D

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  34. mochabear

    mochabear

    The one thing i hate most is stereotypical people..... but im sorry the dudes got a point!
    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  35. lilo

    lilo

    I love the logic in four, and the randomness of eight (I should move my stash!)..
    #11 by @cfib looks like a lot of fun to do!
    All in all: Great read!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  36. neversmiling

    neversmiling

    #7 is sooo true! I'd also like to add, that if you let someone use your camera to take a photo of you, they will automatically look at the back for the readout after snapping the picture.

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  37. vandal

    vandal

    all of them are true...and real funny !!!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  38. robotmonkey1996

    robotmonkey1996

    Why can't everyone be like this guy

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  39. paperrose

    This article made my day! Brilliant! :D
    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  40. wonderdude

    wonderdude

    The best targets for satire are people who take themselves way too seriously (e.g., Best in Show, or Waiting for Guffman). The funniest thing about this article, though, is how it teases insecurities. I'll bet a bunch of readers secretly wonder "Am *I* snobby and pretentious?" or, "Am I an artist, or am I only trying to look like one?" My favorite line in the article is, "deep down you’ll know they know."
    Cheers to Lomography for publishing this article! :)

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  41. toyba_elescione

    toyba_elescione

    I got it, Sir! Love the THINGS #3.. haha
    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  42. antibiotyx

    antibiotyx

    amen to that!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  43. artvandelay

    artvandelay

    I really didn't find this funny. It just made me sad because I'm thinking about how many people on this site really do and/or think these things

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  44. mr-korn

    mr-korn

    funny article
    but I seriously don't want to be "Arty"... If you caught me being Arty, please kill me :^P

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  45. vici

    vici

    have I told you how much I love this?

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  46. robot_average

    robot_average

    #3: Amazing... totally amazing, and so true.

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  47. daihowell

    daihowell

    I completely love this, very amusing I must say :)

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  48. edwardpiper

    edwardpiper

    Very entertaining, Love it!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  49. stickyvinny

    stickyvinny

    Hahaha! ♥
    I seriously love this so much! It's amazing! :D

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  50. stouf

    stouf

    I'm still laughing. If I may:
    ELEVEN
    When you have guests at home tell them they must use the other bathroom, because in this one, your films are drying. You'll sound artsy while deliberately interfering with their natural needs.

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  51. suhan7773

    LOL....We are a piece of art ourselves as lomographer!!!Cheerrsss!!!

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  52. lawypop

    lawypop

    Let's aLL be ArtY !

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  53. levisigua

    guilty with #1, #2 and #6 haha
    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  54. ripsta

    ripsta

    : )

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  55. gladysdavid

    gladysdavid

    LOLs at #2. This article made my day!
    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  56. rahela

    rahela

    "When you take an photo of a group, exclaim “That was a good one!” Everyone will crowd around to see the digital display. " happens all the time :D

    about 3 years ago · report as spam
  57. jis_siempre

    jis_siempre

    jajajjaja si llego con retraso.. Pero me hizo mucha gracia ^_^

    over 2 years ago · report as spam
  58. planomania

    #5 is soooo true! I remember my mom doing that all the time--now I know why. I must remember to tease her about this.... ;)
    about 2 years ago · report as spam

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This is the original article written in: English. It is also available in: 中文(繁體版) & 日本語.