As Willyboy’s notoriety among the Lomography community grows to rival that of Mephisto himself, it’s only right that he reveal those London dining spots that help fuel his superhuman lifestyle. This time he turns his attention to Hackney hipster café The Premises, where mortal peasants come to feast at weekends and tremble in his wake.
“Get off my premises” the chirpy waitress says to Willyboy, as he waits in the cold air of a March weekend in hope of a breakfast that even Kurt Vonnegut himself would think twice about labeling. It’s hard to believe it, but yes, this 25-year-old corner café nestled quaintly among the rundown crumbling edifices of Hackney Road, serves one mean fry-up. Even more so if one indulges its staff in making the odd tired joke.
This particular morning Willyboy stumps for the Eggs Florentine, scrambled and served on a muffin topped with spinach. Joining him are four hash browns, crispier than Gadaffi’s perm after a fresh cut by a Libyan coiffure. Five nicker for all of this and the world seems suddenly all the more rosy.
Dining at The Premises, if one could indeed call hangover-infused gorging “dining”, is an experience to be savoured. On its walls stare down the imposing head shots of yesterday’s forgotten musicians, who, having once recorded a flash-in-the-pan record at its famous studios in the back, leave little trace of their former glory aside from their heavily-airbrushed sycophantic grins. Willyboy knows that feeling.
It’s a haunt like no other and it often plays host to the famous (yet obviously not so rich). Just the other week Kate Moss’ current beau Jamie Hince of The Kills was looking particularly dour over a cup of Earl Grey. One can only assume he spotted the perfectly honed physique of Willyboy and suddenly felt under threat. To be seen at The Premises is almost as important as the food itself though so at least Hincey got that right.
Aside from the quintessential heart attack-on-a-plate fry up, The Premises is perfectly capable of rustling up a good lunch and dinner too. Its hot chocolate can make one feel particularly murderous while its BLTs have been known to incite crazed rampages at nearby Columbia Road flower market.
209 Hackney Road, E2
Call: 020 7729 7593
Underground: Hoxton, Shoreditch High Street, Old Street, Bethnal Green
Buses: Route 149, 8, 25, 26, 135, 277, 394, 55