Opposite's attract- this may be the very reason why I'm attracted to lomography. For the past 5 years I've been suffering from anxiety attacks, insomnia and I've also been battling with dysthymic depression. I needed an outlet before I self-destruct, yet I never thought I would find it in lomography.
“perfect, planned, predictable”
These are how things are supposed to be. And when events occur other than what is planned, what is perfect and predicted, i get my anxiety or panic attacks. Through the years I’ve learned how to live with my demons, plus, my doctor have found the perfect medication to keep my symptoms at bay. But this was not enough, I need an output before I self-destruct. Thus, I decided to try lomography.
What initially attracted me to lomography was the fact that it was different. In a day and age where everyone walks with an SLR around their neck or a digicam in their pockets, I wanted to go film. But the trait of lomography that made the most impact to me was the unpredictability, the lack of control! Light leaks, xpro = unpredictable bursts of vivid color, double exposures, under/over exposures. To be honest, I HATE the pictures my Holga took because they were not how I imagined them to be. I hate how my diana gave me those nasty light leaks. I was never happy with how my double exposures came out- i simply was not ready for these!
And so I bought a Zenit SLR. A film camera that can allow me to set the shutter speed and the aperture size. I was in control again. Every picture was in proper exposure! Never too dark, Never too light, never a light leak, perfect…
I found myself back where I started, back to the very cause of my anxiety and panic attacks. – The fact that again, I wanted a plan and I wanted to be in control. So a couple of days ago, I decided to experiment. I bought a fuji Velvia and loaded it in my Zenit. This was the first time I did long exposures, filters, color flash and multiple exposures all in one picture.
I was unsure of what I was doing, but it felt good. It felt good not to know how the pictures will turn out. It felt good not to have complete control. I know this is a mere baby step, yet I’m willing tread this unfamiliar territory to fully embrace the analogue lifestyle. I’m starting my journey with my Zenit, where I still have some form of control of the camera settings. But this 2011, I promise to use my Holga and my Diana. – one shutter speed, three aperture sizes and the hopes that I will learn to appreciate the quirks of my finished product.
2011-They year where I’ll stop being “Perfect, planned and predictable” with my photos and just embrace the true beauty of unpredictability which is lomography.